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New Year's Resolutions (Just Humor
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By N/A
Other Poems by N/A


New Year's Resolutions


 


My temple has pimples 


I had to confess,


While looking at mirror


In state of undress,


With hairline receding,


Muscles retreating,


Waistline expanding


On doughnuts I'm eating.


 


Time to adhere 


To my new resolutions,


Nix fatty foods,


Start daily ablutions


That follow a feast 


Full of tofu and flax


As I prep for my


25 laps round the track,


Then push-ups, pull-ups,


Sit-ups and more,


I'll hit the deck running


I'll work on my core.


 


But after awhile


I'm sure that I'll pause,


And wonder, hmmmm,


Just what is the cause


Of this madness that's gripped me,


This turned over leaf,


This training and straining


Face red as a beet,


This diet that couldn't keep Twiggy alive


All flowing from fear of Miss Piggy thighs.


 


It's got to be wrong


To be so obsessive,


Better by far 


To think more progressive,


Like doughnut rewards


At end of the day,


And short ice cream stops


Just after I weigh,


And really, I think,


It makes no good sense


To get up so early,


It just makes me tense.


 


I'll workout on weekends


I'm sure that I will,


I'll start before dawn


And run in the chill,


Unless, of course,


My workout is doomed


By something important


Like morning cartoons.

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Submitted: Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Last Updated: Tuesday, January 7, 2014

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